ϟ 9th Plan -> Open Commentlog/Voice

[notpredictable]

[There have been way too many punishments lately, and Megamind is thoroughly disgusted with the lot of you. Honestly, children, can't you keep your hands to yourselves?

Nevertheless, he has nothing else to say to the lot of you about it, and it's nothing to do with any of that because he thinks these punishments are brutal, tasteless, and lacking class.

Then again, most of you lack those qualities, so. Whatever

He can be found scouring the grounds for parts, supplies, whathaveyou, as well as whatever confectionery delights that he can pilfer safely from the kitchens. Also, clothing - he's on the prowl for clothing to alter, the girl that practically LIVES in the clothier has been fixing some of his capes to reflect the high necked look but he's found that some of the simpler pieces work just as well to give dramatic effect.

Any and all of these places he is able to be found, at any time of day.]




****

[Later--]

Miss--

...

Sarea. I am in need of your assistance once more, if you please.

Comments

[commentlog]

[likesfootnotes]

[Megamind! You sly thing, scampering around like that. Bartimaeus sees what you did there. Right there, on your way out of the kitchens and he's caught you red-handed! Or sticky-fingered?]

That's pretty bold, eating sweets without a dentist in sight.

[commentlog]

[notpredictable]

[He jumps-- then scowls, rolling his eyes as he licks the tip of a gloved finger nonchalantly.]

As if humanoid confectionary treats could possibly negatively affect me. I have exceptional grooming habits, I'll have you know.

[commentlog]

[likesfootnotes]

[Bartimaeus has crossed his arms and is giving his best "nice try" look.]

Immune to cavities? Sugar has it way of worming its way into your teeth, slowly rotting a hole into them.

[He shivers for effect, then is all smug and smiles.]

Grooming is great for lice, but do you line up a hundred monkeys to pick through your teeth? Those poor monkeys.

[notpredictable]

[The little cretin gets an irritated look, and he brushes past him.]

Don't you have someone else you can go bother, hm?

[likesfootnotes]

[Bartimaeus is used to this treatment, and well-practiced in the art of the half-pivot required to follow. Code: You are being trolled.]

Oh, without a doubt! There is a whole Keep to bother, but I like to be fair and spread the love.

[Said with a smile.]

No need to get all misty-eyed and thankful about it. It's a public service.

[notpredictable]

Ah yes, sharing is wearing, or something like that.

[Grumbling, he tries to ignore the creature.]

How thoughtful of you. I don't suppose you're going around knitting sweaters for old ladies as well, are you?

[likesfootnotes]

Caring is the word you're looking for.

[Aw, he's so helpful.]

Why knit a sweater for an old lady when there are none?

[notpredictable]

What ever.

[He scowled.]

Then go do something useful and stop making a nuisance of yourself! Idle hands, boy!

[likesfootnotes]

Are the devil's playthings, right?

[Bartimaeus is inspecting his nails quite meticulously right now, smiling as he does so. When he speaks again, he's shifted - nothing on the outside, but his voice is low, ominous, and carries a hint of brimstone instead of onion breath.]

I suppose that's why they call me a demon in some circles.

[notpredictable]

[...Okay -- see, now you're just being creepy. Megamind is going to edge away from you now, and stand at an appropriate distance.

ie, ten feet away.]

Demon. Yes. Clever -- you know you aren't the first here to make such a claim?

[likesfootnotes]

[This is an artisan at the peak of his career, Megamind. Shame on you for not appreciating the finer whiffs of brimstone! It took him at least a dozen years to perfect that single nuance.]

It's rude, actually.

[Short of coughing up one sputter of sulphurous smoke, his voice has returned to normal - if pitched to be heard.

Bartimaeus crosses his arms and arches a brow - another fine detail that distance obscures, he'll have you know.]

I said others called me that, but I don't relish the term. It'd be like you looking in the mirror and commenting on how finely blue your turnip head is today.

Therefore, whoever claimed to be that is clearly an imposter.

[notpredictable]

[Fetid. That. is. Fetid.]

My head is finely blue every day, I'll have you know.

[He's more accustomed to other people calling him a freak.]

[likesfootnotes]

[Fetid is only the start!]

Had a freak accident with radioactive blue dye as a child?

[notpredictable]

Oh, you're terribly clever. [He rolls his eyes.]

If you must k now, you insufferable little twit, I'm not human.

As if that wasn't obvious already.

[Though -- actually. If one wants to get technical, he did get into it with 'radioactive blue dye', though it happened to be more on the reverse -- they are the ones that ended up blue and angry.]

[likesfootnotes]

Excellent of you to notice! Far to few... [A pause as he assesses exactly what Megamind is. It takes him a few panning looks to decide on something appropriately incorrect.] ...demi-humans can appreciate my wit.

Wait. If you are not a human, then what are you? A strange, blue-skinned forest creature that lives in mushrooms and hides from man?

[Papa Smurf, is that you?]